Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
