apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
