Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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