Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
