I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
