The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
be right there i have to get my cape
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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