Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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