I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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