Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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