um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
