Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
