ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
