Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
