I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
