i think my mom watched the whole time
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
