I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
