I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
