Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
