New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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