In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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