Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
