wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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