dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
