Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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