There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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