checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm really busy with my period
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