my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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