I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
