I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
