Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
