remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
