grandma shit on top of the toilet
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
that's an acceptable place to lick
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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