Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
