i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
