Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
