there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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