OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
