I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
