I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Fuck appropriateness.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
