tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
