Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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