she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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