maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
