I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
