I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
