for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
