how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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