i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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