Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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