To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
