I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
