I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
